The past few weeks have felt big. Big energy, big shifts. Yet most of all, it feels like I’m adulting and taking control of my life.
I had to prepare my travels back to Europe, get an apartment in Lisbon, and book flights, and it felt really empowering, although kind of weird, to do it all by myself. Of course I didn’t have to, and I could’ve consulted people on what flights would seem best, but in all honesty, other people were busy and that made me realise that I can do it on my own just fine. It’s my life and in the end it’s me who decides when I go. Others can help me out but they can’t make a choice for me. Yes, sometimes it’s good to have someone help you brainstorm and think things through, but in the end, you’re the one who has to jump.
So I jumped! I booked my flights, I organised it all, and now I’m set to go to Europe on January 24th, and leaving for Lisbon mid February. I’m really excited! I want to spend the rest of the time in St. Barth really focussing on being here and with my family. But I’m also excited to see where this next chapter of my life will bring me.
The past few weeks have also been challenging. I have been doing probably a little too much. I’ve been working (and writing) non-stop these past few weeks, even on weekends, because there were important things, with deadlines, to finish. Although, this busyness and challenges have allowed me to work through some stress-causing habits of mine. Since the start of September, I’ve been on a non-stop work train. And after a while, when you’re so busy all the time, the stress becomes a bit too much and you just need a good cry, some exercise and a good night’s sleep, and somehow that makes most of it all better again. Although sometimes stress and a busy day causes a messy sleep schedule too, but I try and go to bed early.
This last week I’ve focussed on also finding little moments to destress. Reading a few pages of my book during my morning coffee, taking time to go for a walk, a run, or simply sitting and doing nothing or spending time with my family. We did also celebrate Rowena’s birthday again two weekends ago and this past weekend we celebrated the kickstarting of our new GYL product (really any excuse to eat cake on a Sunday), and all these little in-betweens help destress.
Another thing that helps destress is writing, like here on this blog or on my book-projects. Although not always, as sometimes the feeling of “needing” to write or when I don’t have time and feeling like I should, can also add an extra burden or weight onto my own shoulders. I then try to tell me that it’s okay, it comes in waves. There are months where I don’t write as much, and then there are other months where I find time to write almost every day. That’s just the wave of life.
Do you ever have it where you’re already suuuper busy and overwhelmed and then your computer breaks? There were many tears this past weekend. Looking back now I feel almost silly for being so emotional about it this past weekend, but I just felt so defeated. I had so much work to do, as we’re launching a new product for GYL, and I wanted to spend time writing, which I haven’t done in what feels like too many days, and this was just the (not so positive) cherry on top.
By Saturday evening I had finally been able to secure a new computer, as there was absolutely no saving the old one. I was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster and attempt to work on a laptop that wasn’t mine (which, for some reason, is really discomforting).
That evening we still decided to go over to some family friends for dinner. The decision to go was great because it completely shifted me out of my moodiness. They’re a wonderful couple and we always have good conversation and lots of laughter.
By the time I woke up on Sunday I felt energised again and ready to take on what remained of the weekend. I spend most of the day doing work things I hadn’t gotten to do on Saturday, and in the late afternoon I decided to go for a run. It had been a while because currently I’m often spending three days per week on the football field for training or a match. But I felt motivated to run and considering I can’t go to practice this Wednesday because of my brand new tattoo, I enjoyed the thought of going for a run again. Although I must say it was quite tough. The running and conditioning of football is so different from going for a run.
Yesterday I went for my newest tattoo. I’ve been super excited for this one, mainly because I feel much more confident in being myself and doing what I love and enjoy. The tattoo artist, Eva, did a really great job with the design, a true artist. I wanted her to make the design come across as kind, loving, and although the initial concept, a dragon, isn’t always viewed in that light, she made it work, and in a really beautiful way. I am very happy.
Besides all of life’s ups and downs, it’s been a good week. It’s so busy but I’m happy to be doing what I’m doing. Creating and moving forward in my life. Time also feels like it’s going fast. In two weeks time Chris leaves for the Netherlands for work, soon after that we have a friend and coworker, Meghna, coming to visit us here, and then Chris will return in time for the holidays. I always love the holiday season, mainly because it’s some designated “offline” time for many people in many locations in the world. And of course the new year means new, exciting things.
I try not to focus too much on how fast time moves. Sometimes it almost feels too fast. But when I’m present, when I focus on the here and now, a day feels long, like there is so much to accomplish and create in the 24 hours I get to experience every day. I get to talk to people who are living far away, I get to meet new people every day, I get to meet new parts of myself and my creations, I get to push myself and learn where my boundaries are. Truly life just feels very beautiful and alive right now.
I hope you feel it too.