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Ever-changing plans

I feel happy

September, September, a beautiful month. I think it’s one of my favourite months of the year. It usually brings a mix of warm and chilly weather, the lovely afternoon sunshine, and a feeling of a fresh start (although the weather here does not get cooler in September… I am sweating as I type this).

This September has been no different. On September 1st, I made a new start by joining the local woman’s soccer team! Rowena has already been playing for a while, and I finally made time to join too! And wow after the first practice I had such a huge adrenaline rush, so much excitement. I missed being out on the field. Our first match is already next weekend, on September 11th, against Christiaan’s team (we play against the men as there are no other women teams).

The next morning I was quite sore, but the good kind, where you feel accomplished and as if you worked hard. That day I spend writing on Medium and my latest writing project, as well as working on some new social media strategy things for GYL. Late afternoon/early evening I headed to Gustavia to go past Eva, my tattoo artist, to share my idea for my next tattoos and to pick a date to get them! I used to be worried or afraid to share information about my tattoos. I really love them and I greatly enjoy the way they look and the experience of getting them. But I was always worried of what others would think of me. Yet a while back, I decided to stop worrying about what someone else’s opinion of my tattoos or my body would be. I enjoy them and I think they are beautiful and in truth, not much else matters. Sometimes this is still a work in progress, and there are days when I do worry what others think about me or how I choose to present myself. But then I tune back in with who I truly am and my love for myself, and it all falls away. Sometimes faster than other days, but in the end I am left reconnected with myself.

The first few days of September have been filled with excitement, some new opportunities and activities. I’ve spend most of the past few days working hard on my creative endeavours. Tomorrow some other projects kick-start that will take a lot of time and energy between now and the end of the year, but I’m really excited for all that it’ll bring me – especially in my personal and professional growth. I’m eager to continue working on my life balance, on managing all my work expectations, while freeing up enough time for everything else I also like to do. I feel like there will be two important key factors: avoiding basic distractions and envisioning that I will have enough time to complete everything I have to do. I feel as if I often stress when it’s already late or a deadline is nearing and I don’t feel ready yet. But somehow everything always works out and on most occasions I have the time I needed, meaning all the worrying was for nothing.

But besides the future bringing me excitement, the future also brings me something new. Or rather, something different. My future plans have changed a bit. And while something new and incredibly exciting has come in the place of my old plans – something i’m not quite ready to share just yet, I’ll no longer be moving to New Zealand. At least not in the next year or two.

In the past three months of applying, being accepted, and anxiously observing the border regulations of New Zealand, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no opportunity for me to make my way over there, physically, by the time the semester for my master’s degree would start. And I don’t want to do an online degree. The whole point of going to get my master’s degree in New Zealand was that I would be able to combine it with traveling around the country and other countries nearby, but with the easing up of border security only starting next year, a visa application isn’t in the cards.

Funnily enough, I didn’t feel all that sad. It was almost like I had expected that it wouldn’t exactly work out. Maybe a piece of me didn’t feel ready to immigrate to the other side of the world. I’m not too worried. I know I’ll make my way to New Zealand eventually. To travel and to visit my friends there. But the experience isn’t going away any time soon and, as it seems, life has some different plans in the cards for me.

I’m eager to share them with you all. I love sharing exciting things. But this time I’m working on figuring some last details out by myself. Figuring out what the best choice is for me. Or rather, what the choice is that would make me happiest and would be the highest form of expressing myself in this moment in time. I’m very excited.

In the mean time, as I’ll still be in St. Barth until February 2022, I get to use this time to be fully present in all the projects I do and the experience I’ll have here. There’s plenty of work to be done, there’s plenty more room to grow. There’s time to spend with my family and time to spend with myself, and there is time to be spend writing! Lots of that in the cards.

I’m currently working on two books, one which should be finished by the end of the year, a creative project that is in collaboration with Global Young Leaders. The second project is in another book, this time fiction and a romantic comedy, that I’m aiming to have a complete first draft no later than December. Although if I keep up the pace at which I’m writing now, I’ll have it done by October! If any of you know a publisher, feel free to get me in touch! For this book I want to embark on the traditional publishing path rather than the self-publishing. I think there’s a beauty in experiencing both, and from experiencing the path that is suitable for the situation that you’re in.

Today I feel very calm inside. I feel connected to myself, to my family, and to the possibilities and opportunities that the future holds. There is so much life yet to be experienced, so many new people to meet, things and places to see, experience, to love. I’m looking forward to all of it. I’m feeling present in the now and calm about my future because I trust the process and I trust the way that I’m creating it for myself.

Stay tuned for some more details on life as a human being! I’ll be sharing more updates soon!

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