Summer is here. It already has been for about a month. Although I haven’t noticed the actual shift from spring to summer. The only seasons here are hot and hotter. The bearable heat lasts most of the year, and, even though temperatures start climbing as early as April, the mostly unbearable heat mainly lingers from the end of June until early or mid September. I’m sweating as I type this. Only the occassional tropical breeze cools the trial of sweat that rolls down my back.
Besides the ever-present tials of sweat, many other aspects of life seem to have gone by unnoticed. Or maybe unnoticed isn’t the right word. Rather I have become so comfortable with their prsence, their fact, as my current truth, that it no longer seems abstract or crazy. One is of these is that I have now spend more than a full year living on this island. This is the longest I’ve stayed put in one place, without any kind of travel interrupting my growing of roots since the age of 10. I can confidently say that this has paid off. This is rewarding. I have established roots.
Although funnily enough, my roots aren’t to the island. Even though I adore the ever-present sunshine, the constant vibrant life, whether hummingbirds, tortoises, cats or the bountiful, colourful fish, it is not the island where I have planted my roots. And although my family, who I have been living with for the past year, are one of my most prized, important relationships, even they are not the ground in which I have established my roots. You probably saw this comming: my roots are within me.
I have spend my life traveling, not just physically, but also mentally. Always working my way towards the next move, the next step, the next adventure. Staying in one place, without that luxury of constant movement, has allowed me to still my mind. Yet don’t be fooled, there is much more stillness for my mind to acquire, but for the first time in my life, I have found a form of stillness within myself. A kind of acceptance of who I am and what I am still working on. An acceptance of the lessons I have learned along the way, and the ones I have yet to learn. I find myself eager to face my learning opportunities. Eager to see how this more grounded version of myself will respond.
My biggest accomplishment this past year, although sometimes it feels like this has been something I’ve been working towards for my whole life, is becoming calm. This might surprise many. I’ve always seemed calm and often quiet. Observant. But in arguments, in injust situations, no matter how small, there was a fire that raged and often led me to spend my energy in places where it did not serve me. Now that I have acquired this calmness inside, I feel as if I can cope with troublesome situations, with angering situations, with a clear mind, being able to think, breathe, tune-in with my gut, before deciding what my next course of action will be. And becoming more strong and capable in this each and every day, I have found that the sea inside of me has grown calm, with no more desire to spill any of its precious content unnecessarily.
I feel as if I am more centered in myself. I feel as if I understand myself better. I feel as though I have transformed.
It feels odd to say it out loud, or rather, to write it down for the world to read. But as I’ve written on this blog, changed its layout often, and wondered about what even the purpose of it all is, I came to the conclusion that I like being honest with the world about who I am. I believe honesty and transparency is a great quality for the world to have, and I’d like to start with myself about who I am, what I belive about myself and the world, and about where I stand. This, genuinely is something I am still working on, growing in, but the path I’m walking seems to have a clear direction.
I believe that in being open and honest about who I am, that by sharing bits and pieces of my life and the wonderful people and experiences in it (this includes experiences others might not label as wonderful), the human connection around the world will increase. Now I’m not implying that because of me being honest on my blog, that the world will become a better place. But often, I’ve found, that when we realise someone else is just as human as us, that they too have their learning opportunities, their own experiences of life, their own mountains they climbed.
And so as I’m sitting here, enjoying the summer sweetness around me, the air hot, but the mid-day breeze, accompanied by clouds, making it bearable, I feel like pouring my heart and soul into this blog; into my writing journey – both professional and personal. The line has already blurred anyways. But I believe that being me, representing myself and my ideas in what I write, when what I write is not meant to be objective, allows for a more beautiful, exciting journey for the reader. To read something that isn’t perfect but to read something that is honest, confront, and human.