Have you ever been outside, and the temperature is just so perfect, the sky such a piercing blue, it makes you glad to be alive? It makes you glad that you lived to exist on this day, that you can be outside and alive on this day?
How wonderful that on a morning when I dreaded getting up and going for a run, but went anyways, that I was gifted with a painting in the sky as the sun came up? I felt my whole mood shift from groggy-ness to feeling grateful to be alive and to experience the simple pleasures on this earth.
It has been a while… at least that is how it feels. I’ve felt a dread towards writing on my blog in the past few weeks. Sometimes its because I feel like I don’t have much to share, other moments its because I already feel like I stare at my computer screen for too many hours per day. Both my work and my personal projects all require my computer and sometimes it just makes me tired to even think about having to open it up and stare at the screen (even with blue light glasses!).
Additionally, it’s just been insanely hectic. I worked an crazy amount during January, a period I knew was going to be busy, but somehow hadn’t calculated in how taxing it would be. Additionally, when not working or sleeping, I was always looking for a moment to get some exercise in – so much so I ended up running about 80 kilometres in January alone. I must say I feel quite proud of that, especially now that I’ve permanently switched over to at least running 5KM everytime I run (instead of around 3KM)
Due to the busyness in January, I didn’t find much time or energy or desire to write, but the past few days the thought of writing on my blog has been itching in my mind, and so on this fine Saturday evening, as I’m sitting outside, the sky turning a slight pink and purple from the sun that is setting in Gustavia, I decided to get to it.
All the extra work, exercise, and catching up on sleep or a healthy meal in between, also meant that I didn’t get to finish this draft of my Camino book by February 1st. I had set a deadline for myself on wanting to finish this draft by that fate, to then print it and read through the whole book, making sure everything made sense and that everything flowed in the way I would like it to. So when February 1st hit and I hadn’t finished yet, I felt bad and I beat myself up about it for a few days. I had seen it coming because with the amount of work I had been doing there was simply no time, but I wasn’t hapyp with it anyways. After sulking for a few days, I decided to cut the crap and get over it. Instead of sulking, I found little moments here and there to write, and while I’m still not fully ready to print this draft, I am a little closer. I made myself carve out some time this week to sit down and finish a chapter, and I’m feeling confident that either this week or next week I can go to the local printshop and print out my first complete manuscript. My excitement is over the moon. I already bought a yellow folder to transport it in, I have my coloured pens ready for marking, sticky notes too. It just feels awesome to be turning a dream into an actual reality.
Seeing projects flourish, whether personal or professional, has been incredibly exciting and really feeds my desire to keep creating. While my book went a little slower, alongside this blog, another creative work project I have been working on for the past few months has really started to flourish since its launch on February 1st. For Global Young Leaders, my family’s start-up, we had been working on creating an online community where young people can connect 24/7/365 about real life topics – about the things that matter to us and to help us cerate life by our own design. The space is meant to provide an opportunity to ask questions, give answers, share experiences, and help other young people grow while also helping yourself grow. We have a launch party on the 28th if you’d like to join, or you can also sign up for the community (here)! Anyone is welcome.
I feel really proud of all I have been working on and have accomplished in the past month and a half since the new year started. And even though it has also meant that I’ve had to make some tough decisions on how I spend my time and what is a priority, it also feels really good to see hard work turn into results.
And it hasn’t all been sunny. Sometimes the stress of working so intensly really gets to me and I feel overwhelmed, which often leads to feeling angry to my living companions when they do other things that feel like they make my life even more stressful, but this also always gives me chance to learn and grow about myself and to not let these small triggers (which never actually have to do with others but more with frustrations within myself) bother me.
I signed up for another energy workshop that is taking place early March, for which I’m very excited – it’s another virtual weekend retreat like the one I did back in January. I’ve noticed quite a lot of growth in my view of myself and how I deal with my own energies and those of others around me, but I’ve also experienced a lot of self-doubt, uncertainty, and most of all, self-judgement on how I move through life and some of my daily actions. And instead of feeling angry or upset with msyelf, or beating myself up about not finishing a project or not having gone on a run or done yoga that day, I’m working to shift my perspective to celebrate all I did accomplish today and any other day.
Life is a game of give and take, and right now I feel that I should give a little more to myself than I have in the past few months.